Even Just for a Little While

“Write something lyrical and vague, just like you always do” says the disembodied voice from outside my head.

Psychic connections notwithstanding, this is getting ridiculous. I go days without seeing another person, and when I do see other people, I'm disjointed and weird because of the voices. It's all over the place, too. Sometimes it feels like I am connected to the whole world, and sometimes it feels like I'm being isolated and sequestered by a bunch of gangstalking bullies.

It almost always feels like I'm delusional, due to the voices. But if that is the case then they are all my delusions and should be controllable by me. And that doesn't work as well as I'd hoped it would.

I mean, there were a few times when I got them on my side, instead of the normal harassment…. And everytime i feel suicidal they are aghast at the sentiment. So that makes me think it's not schizo affective disorder. The fact that i get confirmation of my delusions in real life from time to time, I mean i just got a follow on youtube from a person I haven't connected with in a long time, except this psychic way, and they would've had to seek my name out, because I don’t have that big of a following. So I know they’re thinking about me.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid, STop it” is what I'm hearing right now, and I'm pretty sure that's because they don't want me writing anything down, the replicants I mean. And I don’t know what the other voices want from me because I can't hear them very well over the frequencies that the replicants are producing, it’s just too loud.

It’s a horrible intolerable nagging feeling that doesn’t bode well for my cortisol levels. And it’s really fucking annoying to boot. I just wish it would stop, even just for a little while.